GREETINGS SURFACE-DWELLER!

This dank and barnacled letter washes up from the depths of the Handsome Family deep sea laboratory where no light has shone for many hundreds of years and is now only a tale told to scare children.

HEREIN FIND— the OCTOPUS (8-armed trickster), HANDSOME FAMILY NEWS (comings, goings, appearances, yard work, new tee shirt), and a salute to XERXES (who ordered his men to whip the sea).
 


Octopus blood is pale blue and is pumped by three hearts. There is evidence that the octopus thinks not only with its small brain, but with clusters of nerves found in each arm, thus we find a creature far more intelligent than once supposed. These crafty invertebrates dig clams, slither into fish holds and have the nerve to swipe salmon from the talons of bald eagles. The octopus may also wave its arms in rhythmic patterns that attract and immobilize fish. Fishermen off the coast of Washington report seeing hundreds of small fish frozen in the water as if hypnotized by a passing giant Pacific octopus. One fisherman said, “I felt it myself. They had to tie me to the mast to keep me from throwing myself overboard.”

The octopus can travel by crawling or by "jet propulsion"-- forcing water rapidly out of the head-like mantle through a tube known as the siphon. Octopus, like squid, can squirt ink when startled or upset. The small red octopus likes to live in beer bottles. The Atlantic green octopus prefers children’s shoes.

Octopuses in captivity will invert their bodies, exposing their suckers upwards— much like a human panhandler— when they want food. If it isn’t delivered, they’ll swim back and forth in their tanks, turning red. Octopuses change their color seemingly to reflect their mood: usually red indicates 'anger' and white denotes 'fear.' There are exceptions. For example, the beautiful brown and white coloration of Octopus Horridus is believed to mimic the faint patterns of starlight reflected on the ocean’s floor.

Captive octopus sometimes hold their breath, crawl out of their tank and go after the fish in other tanks. Some captive octopuses lie in ambush and spit in their keepers' faces. Others dismantle pumps and block drains, causing costly floods. A woman who kept an octopus named Crazy Arms in a small tank in her living room awoke one evening to find her beloved pet gone. She followed a faint wet trail that led out of her apartment and several miles across dark streets, but finally lost the trail at sunrise. “Sometimes I see him in my dreams,” the woman told interviewers. “He’s flying through the air, high up in the clouds. He looks happy.”

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HANDSOME FAMILY DONS CLEAN CLOTHING!! LEAVES HOUSE!!
 


Upcoming tour dates :

USA--MARCH
Albuquerque:
TOMORROW!! Monday, March 15 we open for Calexico at The Launchpad.

U.K. --APRIL/MAY

Thu, 22 Apr—CARDIFF, BARFLY
Fri, 23 Apr— SALISBURY, LARMER TREE
Sat, 24 Apr— YORK, NATIONAL CENTRE FOR EARLY MUSIC
Sun, 25 Apr— SHEFFIELD, MEMORIAL HALL
Tue & Wed, 27 and 28 Apr— LONDON, BLOOMSBURY THEATRE
(two nights with The Willard Grant Conspiracy. Running order to be determined by examination of random bird droppings behind theatre each night)
Thu, 29 Apr— NORTHAMPTON, ROADMENDERS
Mon, 17 May--NORWICH, ARTS CENTRE
Thu, 20 May— BRACKNELL, WILDE THEATRE
22 and 23 May – Hal Willner's "Came So Far For Beauty: An Evening of Songs by Leonard Cohen” at The Concert Hall, Brighton Dome, 7:30pm

FEATURING: Laurie Anderson, Nick Cave, The Handsome Family, Kate and Anna McGarrigle, Linda Thomson (Fairport Convention), Teddy Thompson, Martha Wainwright, Rufus Wainwright, Special guests: Perla Batalla & Julie Christensen. For tickets or further info: contact the box office at the  Brighton Dome. or http://www.brighton-festival.org.uk

MAY--NORWAY
Sat,1 May—BERGEN, BLUES AND ROOTS-don’t have venue or time details yet.

MAY--SWEDEN
Tue, 4 May—STOCKHOLM, CLUB WOODY/MOSEBACKE
Wed, 5 May—GOTHENBURG, CLUB WOODY/OUSTERVIKSBAREN
Thu, 6 May—LUND, MEJERIET

MAY--DENMARK
Sat, 8 May—COPENHAGEN, VEGA
Sun, 9 May--ODENSE    RYTMEPOSTEN

MAY--NETHERLANDS
Thu, 13 May—UTRECHT, EKKO
Sat, 15 May—ROTTERDAM, ROTOWN
Sun, 16 May—AMSTERDAM—PARADISO **EARLY SHOW-- 16.00 hours

JUNE--IRELAND
 Look for our appearance on the TV show, “Other Voices.”
The compilation CD of music from the show is out now (March, 2004)

JUNE—USA
June 10, St. Louis-- Twangfest, don’t have venue details yet.
June 11, Chicago, Old Town School of Folk Music with Scotland Yard Gospel Choir
June 12, sixteen years of marriage, damn!
June 13, Madison, High Noon Saloon
June 14, Minneapolis, well possibly, venue still to be confirmed

JULY-IRELAND
We may be returning to Ireland for a festival or two. Details to come.

JULY-USA— finally stick hand in hole at back of yard. What’s in there making that racket?

AUGUST-CANADA
August 8, Edmonton Folk Festival

OCTOBER-NETHERLANDS
 
9 Oct., Paradiso, Amsterdam: a tribute to the Harry Smith Anthology of American Folk Music

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OTHER BITS:
 

Have you visited our merchandise page at www.handsomefamily.com ?
Don’t be frightened. We can’t actually look at you through your computer screen when you visit our site even though it may feel this way.

Merchandise News:
We have a NEW T-SHIRT (teeny girl size to XXL) depicting the missing octopus Crazy Arms. Why not invite him to float upon your chest? Warning. Do not stare directly at tentacles for more than a few seconds at a time. May induce sleepwalking.

We have a few of the old shirt (GIRL W/GUN) left, too.

We should have some more of the European compilation CD called “Down in the Valley” some time in the next month or two.
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XERXES VS. THE HATEFUL SEA
 


...They then began to build bridges across the Hellespont river, the Phoenicians building one of ropes made from flax, and the Egyptians building a second one out of papyrus. From Abydos to the opposite shore it is a distance of almost two-thirds of a mile. But no sooner had the strait been bridged than a great storm came on and cut apart and scattered all their work.

Xerxes flew into a rage at this, and he commanded that the Hellespont be struck with three hundred strokes of the whip and that a pair of foot-chains be thrown into the sea. He also commanded the scourgers to speak outlandish and arrogant words:

"You hateful water, our master lays his judgement on you thus, for you have unjustly punished him even though he's done you no wrong! Xerxes the king will pass over you, whether you wish it or not! It is fitting that no man offer you sacrifices, for you are a muddy and salty river!"

In these ways Xerxes commanded that the sea be punished and also that the heads be severed from all those who directed the bridging of the Hellespont.

From The Histories of Herodotus: Xerxes at the Hellespont

That’s all I have to say for now. Please feel free to e-mail complaints, queries, fears etc. ox Rennie